There are those special days when you simply don’t want to talk or to think too much. Just don’t destroy the moment, because everything seems to work perfectly. Too perfect!
And especially that’s what scares us. There’s something lurking deep within us and what doesn’t let us rest. An inner restlessness which suddenly startles us in the middle of the night. A familiar and constantly recurring feeling that lurks behind each laugh and forces us to be carefully. This feeling which feels too good to be true and we wake up the next moment to see that everything is over.
A thought that wants to be thought.
We are always looking for the flip-side of the coin. After something that confirms us once again that we never have luck anyway and it will be the same again this time. Why should it be different this time now? Right from the beginning we are defensive just to see this feeling confirmed. We really would liked to permit feelings, but the experience has shown us that it won’t last.
A kind of self-protection in order to open yourself not too far and to not get hurt again. This wall that we have built up over years and years of painstaking work and keep it well maintained always so that it doesn’t break. Every painful experience, another building block. Every mean word, mortar for our construction.
A feeling that wants to be felt.
But as soon as someone starts to scratch on it, it begins to crumble and we get scared. What happens if we allow another person to hold our heart again in his hands? Will he keep it carefully and wisely, knowing how fragile it is, or will he play with it and then throw it carelessly away?
We will only get the answer if we take this risk and allow feelings again. A certain caution is always healthy. But the most important thing is that we can start to trust somebody again and to love someone. Admitting ourselves to be happy again. Slowly and with the time we realise that it’s not so hard as we thought first.
Think about it!