18th March 2016
After some very uncomfortable days with heavy rain, gusts of wind and humidity which is bone-deep the sun elicited me spontaneously for a walk out today. So I packed my lunch and went to the park.
What a wonderful feeling to feel the sun on my skin, I was thinking to myself while I was walking down the steps with a bright smile on my face. And even the air smells differently today. A warm wind flatters my face what makes me realize again, that these are the moments where I am sure that my hardest and most important decision has turned out to be the right one.
For a long time I had the feeling that our marriage was no longer as it was in the beginning. But as many of us I just didn´t want to admit it. I told myself all the time that it is absolutely normal that the infatuation and levity decrease by the time. Well, it was the decision I made and up and downs belong to every marriage. But to be honest, the daily routine had caught us.
I was completely aware that my life is going in the wrong direction. Very fast. Time passed by and I was wondering more often if that was everything I could expect from my future. On the one side I didn´t want to continue like that, on the other side I didn´t know how to change something. Everything had became a routine over the years and it was unimaginable to change something. After all, everything was somehow linked together. There was a large net which gave us a certain security, but relentlessly captured us.
The fear of changes and the loss of things we conceived as so important hold us back. Unimaginable to break free of ballast, which stopped us from living a happy, free and more intense life as once when we were young and everything was open to us.
Looking back, I must gratefully admit that my then husband was the first who made the first step and gave us both the chance again to directed our life on the right path.